After recently viewing Jenna Jameson’s excerpts from her book and watching some anti pornography documentaries, my eyes were opened to the impact porn has had on my life. My actual sex life resembled a hardcore porn scene, with choking, hitting, slapping, force, degradation and sensory deprivation. Do I really enjoy these acts? I thought I did. My sex life has been like this since I was 13 years old. Coming from a long history of sexual assault and abuse from various males; from teenage boys to adult men well into their 40′s.
I can’t really understand why I assumed that pain equals pleasure. I had a beautiful experience on my date the other night. He was gentle, for most of it. Which is more than I have ever had really.
After watching these documentaries, it doesn’t surprise me that I was considering a stint in porn for the money and in escorting for the money and the fact that I have already done so many things that are shown in these scenes.
It made me quite sad, that I am this way. I want to change. I want to feel love during sex at least once in my life, I want someone to make love to me. I don’t just want to be a set of orifices to penetrate.
Wish I could be there to give you that love in the form of sex. I’m not into that violence part that is suppose to mean love. I scare me to know that men have done this type of thing…
this is a good, even though difficult, thing to realize…you are sacred, so you deserve to be treated as such, sister…