Been a difficult week..fear, regression, loneliness…

This week has been one of the hardest since the girls were taken from me.  Not only have I had to continue to deal with their loss but I have had to defend myself from false BPD assumptions and have been continuously arguing with my partner who I once thought was understanding.  I no longer feel safe anywhere, including in my own home, I am constantly checking the doors because I am scared someone will come in  and rape me.  When my bf yells at me I cower like a fool and I’ve reverted back to thumb sucking!! Something I haven’t done since I was about 15 or 16.  I used to feel safe with my bf but now even he is a threat.

 

My files from every therapist I have ever been to has been subpoenaed for court proceedings in the custody battle.  All those settings where confidentiality was stressed so that I could feel safe have now been violated.

 

I’m scared and feel so alone.  I can’t trust anyone around me.  They will all hurt me. I shared so much of my intimate life with my partner and he threatens that if we ever got bitter he would out me on alot of those things that I have shared with him.  A massive violation of my trust. 😥

Typical Person with BPD

Typical Person with BPD.

ONLINE PROFESSIONAL BPD BULLY!!

I was appalled at the statements made by this ‘Doctor’ on her website about males and females diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She demonises the sufferer and blames them for any violence perpetuated against them by saying “they drive their partners to the brink”; “they turn good men into monsters”.

This is bullying, whether one likes it or not. It brought me to tears to think people out there believe people like me, who have been through so much trauma and abuse, are the evil ones out there. I was at an all time low today after reading her articles.

My partner had stumbled across her ” 50 ways to break up with your BPD partner” article. My partner now feels as though he is the victim amongst all this and that I am a manipulative and selfish person. So now this gives him the right to lecture me and yell at me. I don’t know what to do or how to feel or even who I am anymore. he characterises me as my disorder not a girl with a disorder. The disorder is me.

http://gettinbetter.com/borderline.html

Moral conflictions inside

My father, who sexually abused me from the ages of 5 to 12, wants to fund my legal case to get custody of my children. My mother has been harassing me to build a relationship with him. I can’t do it. Am I wrong in that?

MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN TAKEN!!

My ex husband has taken my children on the premise that I am unstable to care for them as a result of my BPD. I have never endangered my children nor have I neglected them once. He was a violent and abusive man during our relationship and now the Federal courts have agreed that he have sole custody pertaining an interim hearing. I am so distraught, I can hardly breathe, my life feels lost. My children were my everything.
He has said he wants to destroy me and he knows the only way to do it is through taking my children. His crazed mind has never been assessed and I am so scared that he will hurt my babies to get back at me.