I feel like a whore

The concept of CONSENT has long been a debated issue in society.

What is Consent?
How does one know when consent is given?
Does consent have to be given once only?

I had this dilemma today when a male friend came over to hang out. It was fine at first, just hanging out, watching television and hugging. Then things started getting heated. It seems as though once I give consent for a cuddle it is an invitation for more? I was so confused at that. I was worried about the friendship. He wasn’t really forceful, he was more persistent and coercive. I said no blatantly several times. He still made his way inside me, holding me down, but kissing me still. I was so confused. I figured there is no point to continue to fight it. I was either going to get hurt down there or try to enjoy it. He cuddled and kissed me after. Then tried again, I was lot more firm this time with my NO’s and used the strength of my legs and thighs to hold his body away from me. He eventually became soft and couldn’t continue anyway. He messaged me and asked if I was ok a few minutes after he left. Incredibly confusing for me, I did know what to make of it.

I want to use the ‘r’ word but feel like it wasn’t bad enough to be that. Moments like this further contribute to my sense of loneliness, need for love and intimacy and the confusion I have when it comes to sex.