MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN TAKEN!!

My ex husband has taken my children on the premise that I am unstable to care for them as a result of my BPD. I have never endangered my children nor have I neglected them once. He was a violent and abusive man during our relationship and now the Federal courts have agreed that he have sole custody pertaining an interim hearing. I am so distraught, I can hardly breathe, my life feels lost. My children were my everything.
He has said he wants to destroy me and he knows the only way to do it is through taking my children. His crazed mind has never been assessed and I am so scared that he will hurt my babies to get back at me.

The downward spiral begins…again

I can feel myself becoming depressed again, after having a good run for about a week, it’s hitting me again. The custody issues, being used by men, having my friends dessert me when they get frustrated because I don’t take their advice when all I want is some fucking support! This utter lonely feeling is all encompassing and feels like I’m drowning, feeling totally empty inside. I’m getting the impulse to cut again, to feel the pain but to punish myself for being an idiot. For being a woman! I hate that I can be just sex to someone, I am a person too!! Yes I like sex and enjoy kinky and erotic play. yes I am a masochist but I have feelings too!! I want love too!! At least some bloody affection if not love!!
My ex husband dropped the kids off at my mother’s place today. I am angry about this because we agreed not to do this because my alcoholic child molesting father continues to frequent her house. Instead of discussing drop off with me decently he had to get angry at me and this made me feel helpless and really hurt and angry. What an idiotic prick!! He dropped them off half hour early just to go out with the boys when he could have waited a little while to drop them off at my work. Mind you, today was his day to watch the girls, but getting shit-faced is more important to him.

I am feeling really down again. I don’t know how I’m going to stay afloat this time. Lets hope it’s an acute phase and will pass before it gets severe.