Happy again..

It’s been a while since I have blogged and so much has happened with men, women, custody, my ex and friends. All of which were substantial in my life but I really need to blog about Manny. We’ve been friends for the last two or three months. The friendship has obviously developed into something more. We have kissed a few times since the weekend. It’s been beautiful. Sunday was meant to be my six year anniversary with my ex husband. Manny took me to watch the sunset and have dinner after looking after me the night before as went pub hopping. We had a minor argument over the phone a while back and later that night he was at my doorstep with cookies and cream ice cream apologising. I was sick yesterday and he came over with immune juices and fruit for me. He got me a little medal when we were mucking around saying things like “would you like a medal for that” so he actually went out and got me a toy medal. These are small things but I have always wanted the small things in life.
The other night I asked him, “what if I fall for you?” His response was “I’m ok with that but I would question is that what you really want?” I was smitten! Noone has ever asked me what I want!! It feels so good to be respected by someone, especially a male. He has slept over twice already and we have done nothing but kiss and cuddle. I even pushed the boundaries by taking my top off to ‘test’ his response. He cuddled me and kissed me on my forehead, he didn’t attempt to touch me once!
It seems so lovely at the moment but as always I am very cautious, I do not want to get hurt again. And I do not want to put all my faith and trust into a man again. But knowing him gives me hope that good men could possibly exist! Here’s to hoping.

Sex diet= FAIL! First Date with Edward= WIN!!

I saw Edward yesterday, whom I haven’t seen in 2 years! It was absolutely amazing! But so much for the sex diet 😦 I feel like I tried so hard to resist and so did he but after 10 hours together it was futile. I think the date was extremely extended but neither of us seemed to want to be away from each others company.
It began with him picking me up at 8pm. Opening the car door for me to get in and closing it for me. Definite brownie points there! Then we went and had thai at a local restaurant and hired some dvds to watch at his place since we couldn’t decide on one to watch at the movies. I think that was my first mistake. I should not have agreed to movies at his. The whole time he was opening doors for me and being such a gentleman.
We got to his place and sat down at the table and had some deep and meaningful discussions over some apple and blackcurrant juice, which I thought was very cute. I uncovered his love for video gaming and online gaming which he blushed at. He showed me his world title belt and trophies from his international fights. Feats that he was very proud of. Which I found very sexy too.
After watching both movies, on two seperate couches, which I couldnt understand why, I motioned for him to sit near me. Which is my second mistake. He leaned in for a kiss and I didn’t move. Then he mentioned that was kind of awkward and I found that extremely cute and leaned in and we shared the most beautiful first kiss ever! It was like something out of a movie. We continued talking and sharing our life moments and kissing throughout. Then we were cuddling and things got heated. There was tickling and then one thing led to another and he was down on me. I wanted to return the favour but he was against it. I couldn’t understand why, and pushed the subject. My third mistake. Because when I did, he didn’t want me to stop. So I did. I think I really wanted to only because he didnt want me to, but when he did want me to I didnt want to. So obviously as hot and intense as that was, it was inevitable what would happen next. It was great but brief because I stopped it. I had so much internal conflict about the whole sex on a first date. Which he was so sweet and understanding about. He kept trying to make me feel better about.
So we cuddled again and spooned and talked and kissed. The kisses were amazing!! I felt like I was flying every time we kissed. The drove me home at 6am!! He had to go pick up his daughter at 7am. I had such a wonderful time despite the sex and would really want to see him again, but don’t want to appear desperate.
I really like this guy. His stats:
– Same age as me
– Owns his own business
– Has bought his house
– Single father
– Muay thai fighter
– Really awkwardly cute
– Sarcastic humour
– Caucasian
– Taller than me
– Beautiful body
– Two large tattoos
– Is a dog lover
– Responsible
– Enjoys traveling
– Seems neat and tidy 🙂
– Great Kisser!!

So now to wait and see when he contacts me and when he organises the nest meet which I hope will be next weekend at the latest.xx

I’m good enough to fuck but not kiss?

Okay, so I slept with my male best friend Taylor, again. This time, there was no kissing and when I tried to get a goodbye kiss he straight out said friends don’t kiss! I was like what the fuck?? So the whole day today I had been sending him messages about why it was different this time round. He basically came over, we fucked and he left. I felt like a hooker. I understand that casual sex is meant to be devoid of emotions but we are meant to be friends, i am not some hooker of his. Some of the messages he sent back were pretty rude like ” you whinge about guys using u and leaving you but you drive them away with the shit you pull”
Like wow, he knows very well about my issues since we talk about this shit all the time and for him to come out and say that was pretty low.
And I messaged one of our mutual friends about my feelings and apparently he has been told about everything! So much for privacy! Lucky I don’t post a picture of him and name and shame him for his womanizing ways. Before we were about to do it, he was messaging some other girl about naked photos. He is always sleeping around with some girl that he calls a slut, but somehow misses the fact that he is the biggest whore out! Insensitive cunt of a man!
In conclusion, they are all cunts! Men are all out to use and abuse! I am really upset that the friendship may be ruined over our careless sexual romps. Seriously, I am good enough to fuck and blow on but not good enough to kiss this time round. He made me feel as if I was making a big deal out of nothing! These are my feelings, regardless of whether its insignificant to someone else. He completely dismissed my feelings and made me out to be some idiot.
I will never sleep with him again! I would like to say I will never have casual sex again but that is where my inner conflicts arise. I thought I was enjoying myself till these issues came up. I want affection with sex. not just sex.